Nothing probably spells heartbroken more than a girl you've spent wooing for the past 2-3 years and then sticking it in your face saying that we shoud be just stay as friends after talking about possibilities of a relationship blossoming.
I mean, how could something like this happen?
Tough luck, it just did. And it's a hell of a joke telling others you got into a relationship like that and it's sorta like game-over because it could only last for a month, and breaking up just because of something like not replying to messages sent over Whatsapp or something like that. It's not a game.
Just simply because of not replying to messages doesn't mean I don't care about what the other party says. And it most certainly does not mean that the person is not important to me. And it hurts pretty badly when you've done it all - put other friendships forged in the army on the line and getting a bad reputation for it, just so you could celebrate her birthday in the best manner possible within my means. And worst of all is saying that we should just be friends because she doesn't wanna risk hurting me. What the fuck?
We all make mistakes, we all do. We hurt each other in the process sometimes, sometimes little, sometimes a lot. I'm pretty disappointed that she is simply running away because of this one mistake that I've did for the past few months. That isn't really ignoring - not when I start off with another topic and we chat normally as though I didn't notice I didn't reply. And hey, everyday things like bathing, eating and doing random stuff isn't really updating - that's overtweeting. Oh, I can go on and continue to butter her up and say this in a nicer way, but hey. Using the phone at the most inappropriate times like in the middle of a vocal conversation is a little uh... disturbing. You'd wonder if there was a real emergency or she doesn't really wanna listen to your bla-bla-yadda-yadda. Whatsapp or tweeting?
And I most certainly can't always Whatsapp or Skype at any possible opportunity when I'm off work too. After a hard day's work, can't a man have some time off at some entertainment at the computer, watching some random anime, listening to music, read some news without constantly having to reply to Whatsapps with both hands and full attention at his phone?
I'm sorry I can't update as often, but when I do I'll update as much as I can, in good time. Is that a lot to ask?
And going back to being friends because you don't wanna risk hurting me? Exams first before everything else? That's being selfish. It hurts.
And saying that there are a lot more opportunities in university for better girls right after saying all that, and all other stuff, just hoping to push me away? That hurts. I ain't some kind of forbidden fruit that you shun away. Are you telling me I am? It hurts.
And cracking a April Fool's joke just while I'm feeling my worst isn't helping, and expecting me to talk normally like friends should right after the April Fool's joke? Fuck off. You actually serious about me actually going back to the way things once were, right about 2-3 years ago? It's most certainly not funny. I ain't that emotionally strong. And you just crumbled that down, thank you very much. And it hurts.
Very well then. Stay as friends. Stay on the fence, and see where it'll take you. You'll get into deep trouble if you sit on the fence too long and it starts collapsing.
I never really talked much with friends unless I can be sure I can place my trust in them. And I certainly don't talk much to people who put this much hurt in me. Not until I can get over the hurt, at least, yet even then the scar will be there.
They say time will heal all wounds, yet scars remain. I just hope it will be long enough so I won't get to touch this scar, and I most certainly hope when it heals, it won't be so terrible it would bleed at the slightest touch. Until then I ain't talking to her.
Hatred? No, that's too much. What's there to hate about her? Hatred kills.
Apathy then? I can't bring myself to do that, I still care about her. She still means a lot to me. But I can't talk to her now because it'd make me bleed at any slight stretch, push or pull.
