Yeah, so I've been trying to get over that short joke of a "relationship" which left me feeling quite devastated and stupid for a while now. Figured I'd just focus more on the things around me that need me around for, to do things that people actually care about. Things that I can be appreciated and valued for.
And I shall begin with my job. I spend my time fiddling around with tech, Internet research and digging for contact details, meddling with clientale databases and the like, as well as making targeted marketing calls. It's the stuff that brings me the dough, and well... It's about the only thing I have left worth doing in my life at this point, given the way things went shittier and shittier in my life, and also to keep my mind busy to stop thinking of her...
A memory wipe is impossible unless I knock my head against the wall or have someone clobber me from behind, but the act of channeling all my helplessness, that silent despair, into energy to fuel my determination to work seems to be working well so far. I keep telling myself I have no time to think myself crazy for something that wasn't meant to be. She gave me up - I can't give myself up now, or risk never being able to stand up again.
I will work. I will not allow myself to be so readily available ever again. I will make myself busy, do something productive. If she isn't gonna appreciate my efforts then I'm going to find someone - or something - which can show the fruits of my labour and perseverance. I will strive to be the best, and hopefully that will take enough time off to heal from that pain.
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